Cristiano Ronaldo- Faceballs Redux

If there’s one thing you can say about Cristiano Ronaldo, it’s that he’s full of surprises. (You can, without serious threat of legal action, also claim that he’s overtanned and buff beyond measure, but that’s too easy for us). We’re thinking more about the baby thing. Ooh, and the rumours regarding his peen. (Image via tumblr)

We’re really thinking about that, actually.

But despite his cavalier attitude to reproduction and bronzer application, we know for a fact that if there’s an innovative new movement in football, we can rely on Crispy to be at the forefront, ready to offer his own ‘unique’ spin on things.

Remember ‘Faceballs‘? Yup. He got it covered.

Real Madrid Boys In Blue

Surely we didn’t miss the men’s spring trend memo? We definitely dont’ recall this ‘look’ or colour scheme on the top of watch lists.

Cristiano Ronaldo (at the Champions League Trophy handover) and Karim Benzema (at Sergio Ramos’s 24th) both pounded the Spanish pavement in navy & white track jackets with similarly-coloured denim. Creating an outfit of clothes from the same colour families requires concentration. We sincerely hope this is more a case of grabbing whatever was clean vs trying to dress in all-in-one slim-for-the-hips colours.

What’s our point? As you may have suspected, we haven’t really got one. But we’ve started, so we’ll carry on.

Although understated streetwear is not a look we love, it’s something we can live with. We’re normally fans of a good hoodie, but in this case, we prefer the classic sportsman fit that Cristiano chose. Plus, the elastic waist on his top layer accentuates his bulge. And that’s a look we always love.

We Need To Talk-Cristiano Ronaldo

If you look closely, Crissy’s in there. Images via Reuters via Daylife.

Dear Cris,

We’re sorry to do this publicly. We are. But we love you lustily, and since you seem to have blocked our number, we were left with no choice. Perhaps this may be the shock you need.

You see, we saw your strangely wide, heavily-gelled faux-hawk type coiff in last night’s game. And while it’s subtle enough now, we are extremely concerned that if you continue along this stiffly slicked path, your next logical career move will be try outs for the latest series of Jersey Shore.

While you would clearly fit in well, we fear for the suppliers of fake tan in the Tri-state area and their ability to cope with the sudden spike in demand. Buy some clippers, even if they’re leopard, and shave.if.off. All of it. It will change your life and ours.

Whatddya think?

Kisses and nose rubs,
Kickette

Baby Got A New

We have nothing. Sorry. (AP Photo/Daylife)

Scoregasm-World Cup Merch We Love

We’re all over the World Cup-related goodies that have been coming our way in the countdown to kick-off (t-minus 14 days, for those counting).

Not sure we can ever top products like Sylvie van der Vaart in her Dutchy dress, but this is the closest we’ll probably get.

Without sounding like a late-night infomercial, have you and your mate ever fantasized about England-themed sexytimes? If so, you’re in luck because the folks at LoveHoney have created the Scoregasm England Remote Control Love Egg, which promises to make you “feel like you’ve won the Cup”. (Frank Lampard not included.)

That’s right: using a vibrator is now considered an acceptable way to be supportive of the England squad.

Using the same life-changing social science that we at Kickette like to pride ourselves on, LoveHoney have also conducted their own version of “Snog, Marry and Avoid”, (just like our own Kickette Army did last year). The LH results? Joe Cole came up top in the snogging stakes, Stevie G. was voted best marriage material, and a huge 73% of ladies wouldn’t touch Ashley Cole with a long, sharp pointy thing.

We’re not entirely comfortable inquiring about our readers’ purchase intents, but we’re always down for a rousing game of National Team Snog, Marry and Avoid. Which three NT members (of any country) make your list?

Via: ONTDFootball.

The Dutchy Dress-World Cup

We. Love. This. Dress.

It’s (quite obviously) for those that support The Netherlands, and it’s billed as the first official World Cup dress ever made. It was commissioned by Bavaria beer (mmm, beer) and designed by Super Trash.

This is a smashing idea for so many reasons:

-We know many Kickettes would love to look cute whilst supporting their team, and this is a helluva way to do it.

-They chose everyone’s favourite WAG, Sylvie van der Vaart to model it.

-Also, it costs under 10 euros. Someone give these people their “winners” badge so we can all go home.

In other Dutch WAG news, here’s Yolanthe Cabau van Kasbergen (Wesley Sneijder) in her Livera World Cup bikini courtesy of her own underwear line, Yolanthe’s Choice; and you can catch WAGs like Winona de Jong and Bouchra van Persie on their reality telly show, The Angels of Orange, where they’ll be building an SOS Children’s Village in Kenya.

Thanks Merel!

The British Press

It’s there! Nemanj struggles with his cruelly ignored visual impairment. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.

If you routinely frequent this site, you’re probably familiar with Nemanja Vidic’s body of work. Acknowledged for his defensive prowess in a Manchester United shirt, his inordinately sexy thighs and oddly alluring ‘hot robot’ look (‘oddly’ as those previously sporting the cyborg physiognomy have included Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator and Kryten from Red Dwarf, neither of which we have ever found remotely alluring), Vida is our go-to guy when we are outsourcing assets such as engine oil, used tyres and Swarfega.

Normally we think ourselves too pretty to complete assignments that involve heavy lifting, but due to our unabated love for this bloody ‘baller, we’re awarding one of our notorious Fail File distinctions to the British press for their coverage of our man’s game on Saturday.

Stand well back, this could be explosive!

NAME OF APPLICANT: The British Press
POSITION/CLUB: Everywhere. All the time.
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Reporting the game correctly
CITED EVIDENCE: Newspaper reports

First up, we’re not too blinded by adoration to see that Nemanja may have been a teensy tiny bit over the top with his enthusiasm on Saturday (left). Indeed, we agree with our fellow thought-leaders that having just come back from injury, he might have been a little too intent on reminding us of his unique attack-as-a-form-of-defence routine at Upton Park.

Having reviewed the match footage, we’ve sussed out proof of a debilitating eye condition Vida was suffering from at the time. Apparently, said infectious disease also gripped team-mate and co-crazyman Wayne Rooney, but his multitude of ailments seem to have gotten worse – not better – as the weekend breezed past. Rooney, your illness is robbing us of attention. We no likey.

Check out the above photo; here, Nemanja is clearly involved in an impromptu game of spot-the-ball, too blind to realise that not only is the ball not beneath his extended digit, but it is in fact behind him, comfortably nestled in the back of United’s net. We’re not clear on what caused this illness, but it’s clearly a terrible affliction to bear.

Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.

See, newspapers and other forms of media!? If you had done your research properly and not jumped to conclusions, you might have empathised with Nemanja’s sad stye situation and restrained yourselves from abusing this rich, red hot robot.

Shame on you all!

You might also like:

The EN-GER-LAND Dress-World Cup Merch

Be honest: how many readers were rather envious of their Netherlands friends who – with the help of Dutch brewer Bavaria – have the chance to express their lust for their World Cup-bound boys without resorting to a polyester jersey? Fear not, England fans! Thanks to Bavaria UK, you girls can now join the fabulously dressed footy party via this ‘EN-GER-LAND’ mini dress.

Versatile and super-clingy, this cheeky little number can be worn in any one of the four different styles, which should be sufficient to take even the most ‘fashion forward’ of Kickettes from day to night.

And if that wasn’t enough, Bavaria UK have created the dress so in order to promote their spanking new alcohol free beer range. So theoretically it’s more than possible to wear the dress, drink the beer, watch the game and not fall down. How utterly considerate!

Free stuff: The ‘EN-GER-LAND’ mini dress is not available in stores but we have 20 to give away to our UK Kickettes! To participate in our giveaway, please submit your answer to the following question to: prizes [at] kickette [dot] com.

Question: which brightly-coloured NT World Cup dress did Kickette feature recently?

Contest closes on Friday at 17.00 EST and is open to UK residents only. Good luck!

–update: the contest is now closed! Winners will be notified on Sunday June 13.

Cristiano Ronaldo - Photographic

Don’t strain yourself, Cris. (AP Photo/Daylife)

You know what, Cris? You might have the most ridiculous taste in clothing, hairstyles and tanning shades but our sartorial radar seems to take a hike when you’re around.

Yep. We love you regardless, dammit. You’re foine, yo.

But still: there are times when your nonchalance has to be put in check. Kickettes, please convene in the chamber to consider the evidence. Crissy’s up for a FAIL.

NAME OF APPLICANT: Cristiano Ronaldo
POSITION/CLUB: Midfielder, Real Madrid
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Tackling
CITED EVIDENCE: Photographic (above)
KICKETTE VERDICT: Historically you have not been a friend to referees, Cristiano. Your quick feet and fancy footwear have often bamboozled hapless officials into giving free kicks that weren’t, not giving free kicks that were and everything in between. Occasionally, your attempts to feign injury have resulted in the kind of somersaults normally only seen in the floor exercise section of Olympic gymnastics.

And the evidence before us suggests that you are taking footie chicanery to new and exciting levels. Your expression gives nothing away as you nonchalantly stick out a foot to take down your man. A referee can have no clue as to whether a foul has been committed. Indeed, you might be lying on a sun lounger in a pair of unnerving shorts (left) for all the effort expended here. (Big Pictures/Keystone/Kickette)

Like everything you do, it might be thoroughly annoying and a target of contempt from commentators and players alike but it’s actually really good. Our bias declared, we declare a one month suspended sentence for you, with other offences against hair and trousers taken into consideration.

Take him away.

The Sizzle Query: I Hate Him

There are a number of players in world football who, for one reason or another, do not enjoy the kind of adoration from fans that their less ‘morally challenged’ counterparts do. However, in our capacity of ‘hot bishes of the parish’, we reserve the right to perv on any man sporting the correct combination of abs, tent and thigh action.

Even if they are sexually, verbally or indeed literally incontinent.

We like to attribute it to an evolutionary drive to procreate, uninhibited by social constructions such as morality. Others would call us skanks, if only we cared to listen. And we know we’re not the only ones.

So, in response to a comment in a post yesterday, we throw out the challenge. Who would compel you to betray your stringent personal code for a few moments of ‘baller bliss? The criteria are yours to define, just keep to guys who have sullied their rep in whatever unpleasant circumstances would all like to pretend didn’t happen.

Confused? Start with Ashley Cole and work upwards.

The Sizzle Query: I Hate Him

There are a number of players in world football who, for one reason or another, do not enjoy the kind of adoration from fans that their less ‘morally challenged’ counterparts do. However, in our capacity of ‘hot bishes of the parish’, we reserve the right to perv on any man sporting the correct combination of abs, tent and thigh action.

Even if they are sexually, verbally or indeed literally incontinent.

We like to attribute it to an evolutionary drive to procreate, uninhibited by social constructions such as morality. Others would call us skanks, if only we cared to listen. And we know we’re not the only ones.

So, in response to a comment in a post yesterday, we throw out the challenge. Who would compel you to betray your stringent personal code for a few moments of ‘baller bliss? The criteria are yours to define, just keep to guys who have sullied their rep in whatever unpleasant circumstances would all like to pretend didn’t happen.

Confused? Start with Ashley Cole and work upwards.

Harry and Matilda Kewell

Galatasary’s Harry Kewell is heading into his prime. No question.

Oh, we don’t mean on the pitch. We mean with his appearance.

He seems to have hit his physical sweet spot, no?

Doesn’t hurt to see him in these ovary-busting photos taken in May with his daughter, Matilda, either. Oof.

We wantee.

One more pic after the jump.

[Via Bol Bol Futbol]

Harry Kewell-Australian Football Awards

Harry Kewell mixes sport and Politic

Having a ball ... Harry Kewell at Camperdown yesterday.
Photo: Danielle Smith

Who said sport and Politix don't mix?

Socceroo captain Harry Kewell, fresh from his side's 1-0 defeat of Ghana in Sydney on Friday night, took to the streets yesterday as the new face of men's fashion label, Politix.

Kewell, who is one of Australia's wealthiest sports people, is now shopping for a new club after being released by giant English Premier League club Liverpool.

But while that's bad news for Kewell, it's good news for the national team as it means he will be available for the Socceroos' next four games, to be played over the next month.

In his exclusive interview in The Sun-Herald today, Kewell reveals how proud he is to be leading the Socceroos. "Hopefully I can pass something on to the younger players," he says.

Mark Bresciano-Australia

Mark Bresciano

The Socceroos Exceeded

The Socceroos exceeded all

Harry Kewell- Photos

Forward Harry Kewell

Vacation With Harry Kewell

On Vacation with Harry Kewell

Timothy Filiga

Full name: Timothy Filiga

TIM CAHILL Expretion

TIM CAHILL BIOGRAPHY

Australian Players - Tim Cahill

Etiquetas: Australian players, briefs, Tim Cahill

Tim Cahill - Footballer Images

Tim Cahill the profesional footballer images

Harry Kewell - Australia Wallpaper

Harry Kewell, Australia

Love in Las Vegas- Harry Kewell

With the soccer season on hiatus, Harry Kewell has opted to head to America for a little rest and relaxation, as well as some serious PDA by the pool!

The Australian and Liverpool

Football Club stud was spotted by the weekend enjoying some fun in the sun at a Las Vegas resort along with his beautiful wife, Emmerdale Farm actress Sherree Murphy.

Original post by http://www.gossipgirls.com

Jose No to Rom-chelsea

NO RETURN ... Jose Mourinho

JOSE MOURINHO last night ruled out a return to Chelsea.

The Real Madrid boss has snubbed owner Roman Abramovich by saying he is not interested in replacing Carlo Ancelotti.

And that will be a blow to players and fans who wanted him back.

A pal of Mourinho's said: "Jose makes no secret that Chelsea has a special place in his heart and that one day he'd love to go back.

"The trouble is nothing seems to have changed at Stamford Bridge since he left, they're still making the same old mistakes.

"There are too many different factions around Roman Abramovich as poor Ancelotti found out."

Mourinho, who has said his next job would be in England, was installed as a front-runner when Ancelotti was sacked on Sunday.

Former Blues caretaker boss Guus Hiddink, now Turkey manager, is in the frame for a comeback.

Malaga coach Manuel Pellegrini's agent has hinted Chelsea have made an initial approach. And Porto chief Andre Villas-Boas is also on the radar.

Mourinho won a personal battle yesterday as Real dismissed managing director Jorge Valdano after run-ins with the Special One.

Jose No to Rom-chelsea

JOSE MOURINHO last night ruled out a return to Chelsea.

The Real Madrid boss has snubbed owner Roman Abramovich by saying he is not interested in replacing Carlo Ancelotti.

And that will be a blow to players and fans who wanted him back.

A pal of Mourinho's said: "Jose makes no secret that Chelsea has a special place in his heart and that one day he'd love to go back.

"The trouble is nothing seems to have changed at Stamford Bridge since he left, they're still making the same old mistakes.

"There are too many different factions around Roman Abramovich as poor Ancelotti found out."

Mourinho, who has said his next job would be in England, was installed as a front-runner when Ancelotti was sacked on Sunday.

Former Blues caretaker boss Guus Hiddink, now Turkey manager, is in the frame for a comeback.

Malaga coach Manuel Pellegrini's agent has hinted Chelsea have made an initial approach. And Porto chief Andre Villas-Boas is also on the radar.

Mourinho won a personal battle yesterday as Real dismissed managing director Jorge Valdano after run-ins with the Special One.

Harry Redknapp has hailed the genius of Leo Messi

NOT YOUR AVERAGE FOOTBALLER ... Harry Redknapp has hailed the genius of Leo Messi

How they compare

HEADING

ROONEY: NOT a particularly tall player but has the natural ability to climb high and put terrific power behind his headers. 4

MESSI: FOR obvious reasons he's no Peter Crouch. But even at 5ft 7in he poses an aerial threat - as United found out in the final two years ago. 3

DRIBBLING

ROONEY: RUNS at opponents and has quick feet but is up against the best defenders in the business, who will work hard to close him down. 3

MESSI: A JOY to behold, he has truly magical feet. Watching him dance with ease around opponents is worth the entrance money alone. 5

SHOOTING

ROONEY: WHEN he's in top form he can produce a memorable moment and bust a net. Volleys, half-volleys - it makes no difference to Rooney. 5

MESSI: WHAT sets Messi apart is his all-round game. Starts and finishes great moves and can score with either foot from any angle. 5

STRENGTH

ROONEY: BUILT like a bulldozer, he takes some stopping in full flow. But he defies his strength with terrific agility and balance. 5

MESSI: SURPRISINGLY robust, despite his slight frame. Often takes a real pounding from defenders but is tough to knock off the ball. 4

PASSING

ROONEY: OFTEN puts a ball on a team-mate's toes from 40 yards away. Also has the agility of mind to complete the most intricate of passes. 5

MESSI: USUALLY short, neat, quick one-twos. Simply superb over 10 yards. Has the ability to slice open the tightest of defences. 5

FEAR FACTOR

ROONEY: CAN change matches single-handedly and has the heart of a lion. When on top of his game, can destroy teams on his own. 4

MESSI: HIS is the biggest name in football right now. Often seems awe-inspiring and totally unplayable. Opposition beware. 5

TOTAL: ROONEY 26 MESSI 27

Don't Mess about with Lionel

HARRY REDKNAPP says he would sign Lionel Messi ahead of Wayne Rooney

THE stage is set for Lionel Messi and Wayne Rooney to make Saturday's Champions League final an all-time classic.

As a manager, it's almost impossible to decide who you would have in your team IF you could buy only one of them.

But it's the kind of dilemma I would love to have as we are dealing with two of the game's best-ever players.

They look totally different yet are surprisingly similar.

Both can open up a defence with one turn of a boot and each is a great passer of the ball, even though they play different styles.

A mate of mine said to me the other day, after watching Messi destroy a team on his own, that the Argentine looks like the sort of bloke you'd find sitting in a bookies in the afternoon, smoking a fag and betting on horses.

He's a skinny runt who looks nothing like a modern-day footballer really.

He has funny little legs that move awkwardly when he runs and if he turned up at your club as a 16-year-old, you'd send him away with a pat on the head and tell him he'd no chance of making it.

But what I really admire about little Leo is that he has shown you don't have to be 6ft tall with a six pack to make it in football, even these days.

Some of the best players of all time were little blokes. George Best wasn't overly tall and he was slightly built. Look at the great Leeds side with Billy Bremner - or what about Celtic wing wizard Jimmy Johnstone?

Look at Luka Modric in my team, a fantastic player who is an integral part of Spurs.

You can't kick Messi out of a game as he rides tackles like a thoroughbred horse. The lad is surprisingly strong and can turn a game with his incredible acceleration or lightning-quick short passing movements, before applying a world-class finish.

Argentina legend Ossie Ardiles insists Barcelona's Messi is better than fellow countryman Diego Maradona and that's some verdict, as Maradona was a genius.

But it's hard to find a weakness in Messi's game and I guess the only aspect of his play which is not so strong is his heading.

Still, he doesn't appear to have struggled, having hit 49 goals this season compared to Rooney's 15.

Like Messi, Rooney still has a schoolboy enthusiasm for football. David Moyes, his old boss at Everton, told me how, as a teenager, Wayne would often go over the park for a kickabout with his mates AFTER training.

Managers can always tell how much energy a player is putting into his game and both these players give everything. Watch them, particularly when they lose the ball. There'll be no standing still, hands on hips.

They will chase back like eager puppies, almost as if it was a personal insult to have been tackled in the first place.

For me, Messi is undoubtedly the No 1 player in the world. Real Madrid's Cristiano Ronaldo is No 2 but Rooney is definitely in the top 10, even though this may not have been his best season for Manchester United.

I love the way Rooney is so strong. If he comes off injured, you know it must be bad because he is so desperate to play.

He heads the ball far better than Messi even though he is not the tallest around. And, like Alan Shearer, you won't find many defenders winning the physical battle against Wayne.

Like Messi, he can turn a match in one instant. Look at that overhead kick against Manchester City at Old Trafford this season. Incredible stuff.

If you had to pick a flaw in Rooney it would be a mental one rather than a physical one, as he can get a bit carried away.

We have seen examples of that this year, such as when he swore at TV cameras during United's win at West Ham - only to apologise after the game.

But that aggression has to be channelled to get the best out of him and he will need to stay in control on Saturday.

If, by some miracle, my chairman Daniel Levy told me I could sign one of these two for Tottenham this summer it would take a long time to decide - once I'd picked myself up off the floor!

But I think I'd go for Messi because he is simply the best player in the world.

I also believe Barca will win 2-1, as much as I hope I'm wrong.

United may have the best boss in the world but they will be up against the world's best team.

Harry Redknapp has hailed the genius of Leo Messi

NOT YOUR AVERAGE FOOTBALLER ... Harry Redknapp has hailed the genius of Leo Messi

How they compare

HEADING

ROONEY: NOT a particularly tall player but has the natural ability to climb high and put terrific power behind his headers. 4

MESSI: FOR obvious reasons he's no Peter Crouch. But even at 5ft 7in he poses an aerial threat - as United found out in the final two years ago. 3

DRIBBLING

ROONEY: RUNS at opponents and has quick feet but is up against the best defenders in the business, who will work hard to close him down. 3

MESSI: A JOY to behold, he has truly magical feet. Watching him dance with ease around opponents is worth the entrance money alone. 5

SHOOTING

ROONEY: WHEN he's in top form he can produce a memorable moment and bust a net. Volleys, half-volleys - it makes no difference to Rooney. 5

MESSI: WHAT sets Messi apart is his all-round game. Starts and finishes great moves and can score with either foot from any angle. 5

STRENGTH

ROONEY: BUILT like a bulldozer, he takes some stopping in full flow. But he defies his strength with terrific agility and balance. 5

MESSI: SURPRISINGLY robust, despite his slight frame. Often takes a real pounding from defenders but is tough to knock off the ball. 4

PASSING

ROONEY: OFTEN puts a ball on a team-mate's toes from 40 yards away. Also has the agility of mind to complete the most intricate of passes. 5

MESSI: USUALLY short, neat, quick one-twos. Simply superb over 10 yards. Has the ability to slice open the tightest of defences. 5

FEAR FACTOR

ROONEY: CAN change matches single-handedly and has the heart of a lion. When on top of his game, can destroy teams on his own. 4

MESSI: HIS is the biggest name in football right now. Often seems awe-inspiring and totally unplayable. Opposition beware. 5

TOTAL: ROONEY 26 MESSI 27

Don't Mess about with Lionel

HARRY REDKNAPP says he would sign Lionel Messi ahead of Wayne Rooney

THE stage is set for Lionel Messi and Wayne Rooney to make Saturday's Champions League final an all-time classic.

As a manager, it's almost impossible to decide who you would have in your team IF you could buy only one of them.

But it's the kind of dilemma I would love to have as we are dealing with two of the game's best-ever players.

They look totally different yet are surprisingly similar.

Both can open up a defence with one turn of a boot and each is a great passer of the ball, even though they play different styles.

A mate of mine said to me the other day, after watching Messi destroy a team on his own, that the Argentine looks like the sort of bloke you'd find sitting in a bookies in the afternoon, smoking a fag and betting on horses.

He's a skinny runt who looks nothing like a modern-day footballer really.

He has funny little legs that move awkwardly when he runs and if he turned up at your club as a 16-year-old, you'd send him away with a pat on the head and tell him he'd no chance of making it.

But what I really admire about little Leo is that he has shown you don't have to be 6ft tall with a six pack to make it in football, even these days.

Some of the best players of all time were little blokes. George Best wasn't overly tall and he was slightly built. Look at the great Leeds side with Billy Bremner - or what about Celtic wing wizard Jimmy Johnstone?

Look at Luka Modric in my team, a fantastic player who is an integral part of Spurs.

You can't kick Messi out of a game as he rides tackles like a thoroughbred horse. The lad is surprisingly strong and can turn a game with his incredible acceleration or lightning-quick short passing movements, before applying a world-class finish.

Argentina legend Ossie Ardiles insists Barcelona's Messi is better than fellow countryman Diego Maradona and that's some verdict, as Maradona was a genius.

But it's hard to find a weakness in Messi's game and I guess the only aspect of his play which is not so strong is his heading.

Still, he doesn't appear to have struggled, having hit 49 goals this season compared to Rooney's 15.

Like Messi, Rooney still has a schoolboy enthusiasm for football. David Moyes, his old boss at Everton, told me how, as a teenager, Wayne would often go over the park for a kickabout with his mates AFTER training.

Managers can always tell how much energy a player is putting into his game and both these players give everything. Watch them, particularly when they lose the ball. There'll be no standing still, hands on hips.

They will chase back like eager puppies, almost as if it was a personal insult to have been tackled in the first place.

For me, Messi is undoubtedly the No 1 player in the world. Real Madrid's Cristiano Ronaldo is No 2 but Rooney is definitely in the top 10, even though this may not have been his best season for Manchester United.

I love the way Rooney is so strong. If he comes off injured, you know it must be bad because he is so desperate to play.

He heads the ball far better than Messi even though he is not the tallest around. And, like Alan Shearer, you won't find many defenders winning the physical battle against Wayne.

Like Messi, he can turn a match in one instant. Look at that overhead kick against Manchester City at Old Trafford this season. Incredible stuff.

If you had to pick a flaw in Rooney it would be a mental one rather than a physical one, as he can get a bit carried away.

We have seen examples of that this year, such as when he swore at TV cameras during United's win at West Ham - only to apologise after the game.

But that aggression has to be channelled to get the best out of him and he will need to stay in control on Saturday.

If, by some miracle, my chairman Daniel Levy told me I could sign one of these two for Tottenham this summer it would take a long time to decide - once I'd picked myself up off the floor!

But I think I'd go for Messi because he is simply the best player in the world.

I also believe Barca will win 2-1, as much as I hope I'm wrong.

United may have the best boss in the world but they will be up against the world's best team.

NOT YOUR AVERAGE FOOTBALLER ... Harry Redknapp has hailed the genius of Leo Messi

How they compare

HEADING

ROONEY: NOT a particularly tall player but has the natural ability to climb high and put terrific power behind his headers. 4

MESSI: FOR obvious reasons he's no Peter Crouch. But even at 5ft 7in he poses an aerial threat - as United found out in the final two years ago. 3

DRIBBLING

ROONEY: RUNS at opponents and has quick feet but is up against the best defenders in the business, who will work hard to close him down. 3

MESSI: A JOY to behold, he has truly magical feet. Watching him dance with ease around opponents is worth the entrance money alone. 5

SHOOTING

ROONEY: WHEN he's in top form he can produce a memorable moment and bust a net. Volleys, half-volleys - it makes no difference to Rooney. 5

MESSI: WHAT sets Messi apart is his all-round game. Starts and finishes great moves and can score with either foot from any angle. 5

STRENGTH

ROONEY: BUILT like a bulldozer, he takes some stopping in full flow. But he defies his strength with terrific agility and balance. 5

MESSI: SURPRISINGLY robust, despite his slight frame. Often takes a real pounding from defenders but is tough to knock off the ball. 4

PASSING

ROONEY: OFTEN puts a ball on a team-mate's toes from 40 yards away. Also has the agility of mind to complete the most intricate of passes. 5

MESSI: USUALLY short, neat, quick one-twos. Simply superb over 10 yards. Has the ability to slice open the tightest of defences. 5

FEAR FACTOR

ROONEY: CAN change matches single-handedly and has the heart of a lion. When on top of his game, can destroy teams on his own. 4

MESSI: HIS is the biggest name in football right now. Often seems awe-inspiring and totally unplayable. Opposition beware. 5

TOTAL: ROONEY 26 MESSI 27

Don't Mess about with Lionel

HARRY REDKNAPP says he would sign Lionel Messi ahead of Wayne Rooney

THE stage is set for Lionel Messi and Wayne Rooney to make Saturday's Champions League final an all-time classic.

As a manager, it's almost impossible to decide who you would have in your team IF you could buy only one of them.

But it's the kind of dilemma I would love to have as we are dealing with two of the game's best-ever players.

They look totally different yet are surprisingly similar.

Both can open up a defence with one turn of a boot and each is a great passer of the ball, even though they play different styles.

A mate of mine said to me the other day, after watching Messi destroy a team on his own, that the Argentine looks like the sort of bloke you'd find sitting in a bookies in the afternoon, smoking a fag and betting on horses.

He's a skinny runt who looks nothing like a modern-day footballer really.

He has funny little legs that move awkwardly when he runs and if he turned up at your club as a 16-year-old, you'd send him away with a pat on the head and tell him he'd no chance of making it.

But what I really admire about little Leo is that he has shown you don't have to be 6ft tall with a six pack to make it in football, even these days.

Some of the best players of all time were little blokes. George Best wasn't overly tall and he was slightly built. Look at the great Leeds side with Billy Bremner - or what about Celtic wing wizard Jimmy Johnstone?

Look at Luka Modric in my team, a fantastic player who is an integral part of Spurs.

You can't kick Messi out of a game as he rides tackles like a thoroughbred horse. The lad is surprisingly strong and can turn a game with his incredible acceleration or lightning-quick short passing movements, before applying a world-class finish.

Argentina legend Ossie Ardiles insists Barcelona's Messi is better than fellow countryman Diego Maradona and that's some verdict, as Maradona was a genius.

But it's hard to find a weakness in Messi's game and I guess the only aspect of his play which is not so strong is his heading.

Still, he doesn't appear to have struggled, having hit 49 goals this season compared to Rooney's 15.

Like Messi, Rooney still has a schoolboy enthusiasm for football. David Moyes, his old boss at Everton, told me how, as a teenager, Wayne would often go over the park for a kickabout with his mates AFTER training.

Managers can always tell how much energy a player is putting into his game and both these players give everything. Watch them, particularly when they lose the ball. There'll be no standing still, hands on hips.

They will chase back like eager puppies, almost as if it was a personal insult to have been tackled in the first place.

For me, Messi is undoubtedly the No 1 player in the world. Real Madrid's Cristiano Ronaldo is No 2 but Rooney is definitely in the top 10, even though this may not have been his best season for Manchester United.

I love the way Rooney is so strong. If he comes off injured, you know it must be bad because he is so desperate to play.

He heads the ball far better than Messi even though he is not the tallest around. And, like Alan Shearer, you won't find many defenders winning the physical battle against Wayne.

Like Messi, he can turn a match in one instant. Look at that overhead kick against Manchester City at Old Trafford this season. Incredible stuff.

If you had to pick a flaw in Rooney it would be a mental one rather than a physical one, as he can get a bit carried away.

We have seen examples of that this year, such as when he swore at TV cameras during United's win at West Ham - only to apologise after the game.

But that aggression has to be channelled to get the best out of him and he will need to stay in control on Saturday.

If, by some miracle, my chairman Daniel Levy told me I could sign one of these two for Tottenham this summer it would take a long time to decide - once I'd picked myself up off the floor!

But I think I'd go for Messi because he is simply the best player in the world.

I also believe Barca will win 2-1, as much as I hope I'm wrong.

United may have the best boss in the world but they will be up against the world's best team.