Gonzalo Higuain , Neymar

Image: REUTERS/Felix Ordonez.

We consider it to be a testament to our bluffing skills that we manage to cobble together (barely) enough posts on this website to fool people into thinking we are taking it seriously. We do, don’t we? It’s not entirely obvious that a good 90% of our attention is generally on drinking, shopping or a frighteningly expensive combination of the two, is it?

Nevermind. Most of the time we can just blank it out. But occasionally our lack of commitment and frankly laughable attention spans are brutally exposed when we find out that something really important has happened in the world of football and we ruddy missed it. Say, that Gonzalo Higuan has fathered a child.

Yes, according to ChronoFoot and our TTO commenters, a source close to both the baby momma and Higgy’s own Mum confirmed the news way back in January.

JANUARY! Er… hello?!

Well, apparently the striker and his lady-in-question were only dating for a month before she got pregnant and around the time of ChronoFoot‘s report, she was said to be about 4 – 5 months along. If you do the guesstimating math, one would conclude that Gonzalo is going to be a daddy any day now, if the child – rumoured to be a girl – hasn’t already been born.

The most laughably sad part of this story is that Pipita supposedly never wanted kids and that this bish ‘trapped him’ by getting pregnant.

Oh the drama. Oh the cleverly executed plan.

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In other alarming and impending baby news, please welcome 19-year-old Brazilian striker, Neymar. Amidst transfer talks between his club, Santos, and Chelsea, he released an official statement on his Web site confirming his impending parenthood:

“I use this note to confirm the information that I will become father this year. The two families – mine and the mother to be – have talked and are ready to help us bring the baby into the world, giving him all necessary assistance and the best possible structure…”

We don’t know about you, dear readers, but we were never aware of Neymar having a girlfriend – which may explain why he won’t release the name of his knocked up (and allegedly underaged at 17) lady pal:

“By common agreement, we decided to preserve the mother’s name. This measure aims to calm her during the coming months, avoiding its exposure to any unnecessary things and ensuring mainly the privacy of the child to be born in a few months.”

Hmm. Congratulations…we guess?