The British Press

It’s there! Nemanj struggles with his cruelly ignored visual impairment. Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.

If you routinely frequent this site, you’re probably familiar with Nemanja Vidic’s body of work. Acknowledged for his defensive prowess in a Manchester United shirt, his inordinately sexy thighs and oddly alluring ‘hot robot’ look (‘oddly’ as those previously sporting the cyborg physiognomy have included Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator and Kryten from Red Dwarf, neither of which we have ever found remotely alluring), Vida is our go-to guy when we are outsourcing assets such as engine oil, used tyres and Swarfega.

Normally we think ourselves too pretty to complete assignments that involve heavy lifting, but due to our unabated love for this bloody ‘baller, we’re awarding one of our notorious Fail File distinctions to the British press for their coverage of our man’s game on Saturday.

Stand well back, this could be explosive!

NAME OF APPLICANT: The British Press
POSITION/CLUB: Everywhere. All the time.
BUSINESS UNDERTAKEN: Reporting the game correctly
CITED EVIDENCE: Newspaper reports

First up, we’re not too blinded by adoration to see that Nemanja may have been a teensy tiny bit over the top with his enthusiasm on Saturday (left). Indeed, we agree with our fellow thought-leaders that having just come back from injury, he might have been a little too intent on reminding us of his unique attack-as-a-form-of-defence routine at Upton Park.

Having reviewed the match footage, we’ve sussed out proof of a debilitating eye condition Vida was suffering from at the time. Apparently, said infectious disease also gripped team-mate and co-crazyman Wayne Rooney, but his multitude of ailments seem to have gotten worse – not better – as the weekend breezed past. Rooney, your illness is robbing us of attention. We no likey.

Check out the above photo; here, Nemanja is clearly involved in an impromptu game of spot-the-ball, too blind to realise that not only is the ball not beneath his extended digit, but it is in fact behind him, comfortably nestled in the back of United’s net. We’re not clear on what caused this illness, but it’s clearly a terrible affliction to bear.

Image: Getty Images/Zimbio.

See, newspapers and other forms of media!? If you had done your research properly and not jumped to conclusions, you might have empathised with Nemanja’s sad stye situation and restrained yourselves from abusing this rich, red hot robot.

Shame on you all!

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